5 Fears Of Going Home To South Africa

The brute truth about how I really feel coming down off a period of two and a half years working and travelling in Korea and South East Asia. Here are the situations I fear most about returning to Cape Town in four weeks.

1. Crime

A group of men threaten me with knives or guns as I’m leaving the building with my expensive music equipment. My life and everything I’ve worked for is now in their hands. My career takes a five year step back in time. I am surrounded by the heaviness of spirit of an angry nation. I don’t know how to fix this.

2. Commitment

The freedom of living life alone is gone as I return to my long-distance girlfriend. I can’t just decide to up and leave when I feel like it anymore. I have to now think for someone else, about someone else’s feelings. I have to sacrifice, negotiate. Although I have been faithful to her during our time apart, on some level there’s still a loss of freedom as I return to her.

3. Career

Opportunities in the creative arts are scarce. I can’t progress as an artist because there’s no work. I am surrounded by unambitious people who cannot gather the motivation to share my vision. I am creatively stagnant and forced to do a job unrelated to my passion, to split my life down the middle, yet again.

4. Convenience

From a life of ease and the luxury of backpacking, I plunge back into the reality of trying to get by, instead of getting ahead. It’s both the lack of convenience that I fear, and the abundance of it; more so that I’ll become coddled by unnecessary comforts and lose the creative edge.

5. Community

I have to return to the soap opera of society, of relationships with others. Forging ahead takes energy and travel can no longer be an excuse for not doing so. Of course, I love and miss my friends, but along with the joys of trusted companionship come certain obligations that I haven’t really had to fulfill while living surrounded by strangers.

So that’s it. I hereby give these fears license to be gone. These words are their catharsis. I understand that none of the scenarios are likely to play out as heavily as they often do in my mind. I am looking forward to going home, but first I need to drop these bags somewhere en route. Thanks for reading. More travel stuff.

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