Title / Summary

I have a tattoo on my back. It’s a sun and a compass, wavy, representing the directionlessness of the enlightened man. Who is this person? I have a guidebook, the Philippines, I went there last year. I drink orange juice, and it’s ok if it’s only 50%. I open Ableton Live, my music creation software, and I spend hours making melodies and rhythms nobody ever hears. I do it for myself. Who? I want a ponytail, and long hair. I have Skype contacts I never call. I want privacy. I deleted all my photos online. I eat dumplings when I get home, a little drunk from the neon glow, because they’re easy. I live in Korea. My apartment is small, and easy to clean. I clip my nails before I practice the violin. I play always. I want to be good, but I’m almost 31. But I don’t care, I keep practicing. Nobody knows. I find plectrums in the pockets of my wardrobe jeans. I play guitar in a band, sometimes in the night, when people are free to dance. We play original songs, and people say we are good. I always agree, reluctantly. My ponytail hairband is red. My tattoo needs more work, because it always seems incomplete. I love my girlfriend, thousands of kilometres away. I want to travel with her. My face is kind of handsome, but I’m getting old. I have a sixpack, and I am kind of vain when I dry myself in the mirror. I covered the mirror with a mask, to remind myself that the word “person” means mask in Latin (per sona = that through which sound passes). I want to be a professional musician, but I feel my path is more broad, based in comedy and creative arts than the purity of musicianship. Perhaps I’m mistaken about my talents. Perhaps I’ve been paying too much attention to my admiring friends. I have few friends, but I appreciate them for their closeness. They’re Canadian, Irish, Korean, South African, American. Amazing people, all of whom have left their land behind to be a teacher here in this weird place. I respect every one of them. I called my ex-girlfriend tonight. She’s in Spain. I am still inspired by her ability to travel free, and her reckless disregard for anyone who doesn’t benefit her directly. How do you do that? Beyond all, I love my life. I perform sun salutes and shower every morning, meditating on the simple truth: how you spend this moment is how you spend your entire life. It’s something Ben told me. I will live by it, now and forever.

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