Monthly Archives: November 2011

Know Your Self

Somewhere near Cape Town

As I wind down another day, I want to just take a few minutes to express a deep gratitude for everything. For socks, and the money to buy more. For a phonecall that could easily last an hour. For a working heart. For the occasional Pepsi. For a bike and the fresh air in my face. For a job which I can easily do and the 4.20pm home time, full of promise. For lunches, for a home and an inheritance. For people who don’t doubt me and what I can do and am doing. For a mind that ticks rapidly when it needs to and the ‘off’ switch. For knowing how to swim, play chess, read sheet music, write Korean, talk about web development, play the violin, make love.

There’s a freedom about it. About knowing these things – a sense of ease and confidence enters your life. You breathe and know how well you will do in any situation. You focus on that freedom, you become one with the instrument. Picking it up is no longer a threat, a nerve-wracking display of talent. It’s simply a part of you. You strum it while you’re watching TV, while you’re doing something else. People stop you and ask you to play something. you sing with lightness and comfort, knowing yourself to be an agent of the angels and God while you do. To spread the light. Your goal is not self-enrichment. You are not greedily trying to take whatever you can, and as much of it as you can from the world. You’re trying to give back, to encourage others to unlock their own hidden musical passions. You explain that it’s not about how good you are as a musician, but it’s about how big your heart for music really, truly is. you have room for many things, but it’s your heart for all types of glorious sounds that inspires you and fills you with joy like nothing else ever has. You are well and truly a part of the music, without needing to understand it or being able to analyse and interpret it. You take risks because there is no failure, only learning. You let go of old habits of thought, which measure your success in material terms, in the number of followers you have. How can the abundance of your personal joy ever fit onto a business card anyway? How can the people who surround you ever understand what it’s like simply being you, free and happy with the person and the music you are a part of? How can the number of people who pay attention to you possibly influence the same love you have for your art when the room is empty?

Teach yourself how to think like this daily. Be thankful for your ongoing journey, even if you just don’t know where the next foot will fall. Send links to people personally and be proud, but not too proud to ask for help. Involve your friends, you make them feel like they’re a part of it because they are, without a doubt and without a reason, they are your lifeblood. Share this blood with them, and in this there is trust and hope. There are those who follow you and support you, and there area those who step aside. All fit into these categories in the end.

Know yourself and the way your mind works. Spot your patterns of thought and be aware of the the destination of each. You can be sure that some will uplift you and some will draw you down. This is the essence of God and the Devil. know Both well, for it’s only in ignorance of these forces that you fall.

Do you have a picture of your future ideals? Do you know what shape your dreams take, eventually? Have you cast light into the shadowy corners, etched them in detail and uncovered the hidden? Know yourself and how you will paint this picture. Use your knowledge of yourself to sieze opportunities as they arise. Doubt nothing in you. Just claim the spot that is yours in the world, freely and easily. You can fuss over the details later. Set yourself thus a deadline to create that which needs to be created and you will deliver on time a fresh and exciting result every time. Stay hungry. Stay mildly nervous about your unfounded faith in yourself. That’s what faith is. The timing is never perfect, only ever now. Know your ability to risk everything in order to get what you want.

Have more faith in yourself every day than the last.

Love yourself more.

Give everything away.

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Jawol-do

A trip to the Jawol-Do Island Chain in 2011

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I had a vivid dream the other night. I was walking around at a raucous amusement park arm-in-arm with myself. We were having the time of our lives, being messy and loud and laughing till we cried. I’m a lonely person, and I have always had to rely on my own company for entertainment and solace. The T-shirt on the right says “Me=2” and I think of my cousin and good friend Pierre when I see jester hats. Here’s a pencil sketch of what I can remember.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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D C G Gorillaz Track

i’ve been waiting down the shore for the tide to turn

counting all my demons and my blessings and my beautiful burns

i’m in the same ol’ situation aahve been in before

only my imagination encourages me to go on

breaking bottles on the tracks till you get your way

little bit of poison in every bottle you put away

nothing left to throw on the fire have to compensate

only this resilient reminder things are gonna change

Battle for Truth

A young man demanded his priest for the truth
The old man replied with an all-knowing stare
And held underwater the head of the youth, saying
“Battle for truth like you battle for air.”

Battle for truth like you battle for air
Your days on this earth are an ongoing dream
Battle for love and you’ll find the way
The way it’s meant to be

Armies of answers of certainty born
May shear in triumph the ill-fated ears
Of listening questions, but will soon transform
From armies and triumphs to armies of years

And if the white wings of the angel of death
Make this very night with their presence ablaze
And bequeath unto me one final request, I’ll say
“Take me away from this beautiful place.”

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Many Lifetimes

MANY LIFETIMES
I am scared of the future, I am worried by the past
I have plunged into the snowmelt of this mental avalanche
I am shaken by that bully Fear, he grabs me by the scruff
I have waited all eternity, I have waited long enough

I have wandered many lifetimes always trying to believe
That the more you give the more you receive

From this earthly slumber I fell awake by chance
In to the heavens, ghostly figures held me in their arms
And lift me up with whispers and cast me to the stars
Where I’ll dwell amidst infinity, where dreams from hopes are carved

And I’ll wander many lifetimes always trying to believe
That the more you give the more you receive

Show me how to be
Again and again

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My Dear (a heaven hell song so far)

despite how attractive i appear

intentions lie beneath these eyes dont come near

dont come near

i know the reason you came

i personify the fantasy you crave

its for you my dear

it’s not real

you have answered my cry

darling i’m alive

every time i cry

i’ll feel your lips on my eyes

i’ll make you available to me

give you the pleasure oh the pleasure that you seek

make you feel

we’re nothing short of asinine

poison each other’s glass and drink each other’s wine

Shadow in the Spotlight

I played some jazz with Amy at a Buddhist temple a while back. Musangsa

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